Manís devotion to his family leaves girlfriend feeling lonely

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I just moved in together. We have been a couple for seven years. Until now, we have lived with our parents.

I knew moving in would be a struggle for him because heís very close to his four siblings. Now that weíve moved in, he calls and video chats with them every day, visits twice a week or more and has sleepovers. He also leaves work early to take his siblings on field trips or attend their sports events.

Iím finding it very frustrating being alone all the time. I have talked to him and expressed my feelings about the amount of time he spends with his family. In my opinion, itís excessive, especially since neither of his parents works.

He asked me to give him time to adjust, but it has already been a month. This is the man I want to marry one day, but I canít help but feel like Iím never put first. Please help! -- CONFOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You and your boyfriend have been living together a grand total of one month. This is a period of adjustment for BOTH of you. Itís unrealistic to expect your boyfriend -- who appears to be tightly bound to his parents and siblings -- to instantly focus all his attention on you.

My advice, and I hope you will heed it, is to devote time to your own interests and activities so you wonít be so dependent on him. Give it six months. If things havenít resolved in that amount of time, write me again.

DEAR ABBY: I am single, 33, and have two kids. I have dipped my toe in the dating pool without success. I am not lonely, but I find myself wanting a relationship.

When I tried dating websites, I got a mixed bag of colorful characters. When I do find someone Iím interested in, it fizzles out quickly.

We start out by messaging on the site, then we text each other. The problem I am having is that these men donít ask ďget to know you questionsĒ or keep up a conversation at all. If I donít text first or keep the conversation going, thereís no communication at all. All of them state they want a relationship, but they donít put forth the effort. Iím not sure what the problem is.

Every time this happens, I forget about dating for a while, but it happens again and again. Have any sage advice for me? -- LOOKING IN NEBRASKA

DEAR LOOKING: You say you are messaging back and forth. After a few days of conversation, have you suggested getting together for a coffee date? It might provide an opportunity to find out more about these men. If you have done that and encountered resistance, it might suggest you are coming on too strong or they arenít quite as ready as they have advertised.

Because there is so much distraction and so much choice in online dating, perhaps you should consider meeting men the old-fashioned way -- through friends, relatives or social groups. Meeting someone special when one least expects it has been known to happen.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.